There are a lot of potential traps during your first meetings with a woman, probably more than I can warn you against here. However, there are some fairly predictable errors made on dates. Here is a list of the most prominent:
1) Talking too much – (especially about yourself): This includes bragging. You want to focus at least 70% of the conversation on her. Her experience is that the man who listens to her will understand her, and she believes that the man who understands her will be a good lover. The reverse is doubly True – if you yammer on and on, she’ll nod and smile, but she’ll be thinking about what a bore you are, and how unlikely it is you’ll give her good loving. Take a lesson from the great talk show hosts. Watch them as they ask questions and get everyone laughing along the way.
2) Spending too much money/try too hard to impress: Don’t buy her flowers or gifts or trinkets. When a car salesman comes at you with all these glitzy sales lures, your initial reaction is to step back and see what he’s selling you. The same thing happens with a woman. Any man that tries to buy her affections is demonstrating low self-confidence and low selfdiscipline. Any woman that needs those gifts to date you is not worth your time or energy.
3) Drinking too much – (and then talking too much): You can meet for a beer at a pub, but you should only have one or two drinks (remember: Restraint!) The problems of having a few drinks are mostly with the impairment of your judgment. It’s tempting to “loosen things up” by having a few, but it’s a slippery slope. Dating is tough enough sober, why would you make it any more difficult? One or two drinks are enough to lubricate the conversation and relax both of you. Any more distorts the situation.
4) Trying to sell the next date too early: You want to increase the mystery of your rendezvous. When things go well, most guys start asking her out for the next time before this meeting is over. You want to end the date well, get a kiss, and tell her nothing! You don’t hint or say that you’ll call her. You don’t say, “Let’s get together soon.” Just say, “I had a great time,” and then leave. For the next couple of days, you want her wondering if you’ll be calling her or asking her out again. What she doesn’t know will only help you. Don’t try to pin her down to several dates just to satisfy your insecurity.
5) Moving too fast: SLOW DOWN. If there’s one mistake guys make when they’re with women is that they move way too fast. They haven’t had any sex in months, and now they think they can hurry the next woman along so they can either get a score, or get on to the next one. Impatience shows a severe lack of self-discipline. There’s a joke about two bulls standing up on a hill overlooking a herd of grazing cows. One bull says to the other, “Hey, let’s run down there and have a couple of those ladies!” The other bull smiles and says, “Let’s walk down there and have them all.”
6) Moving too slow: If you do not take progressive steps toward demonstrating your romantic intentions, she will lose attraction since you won’t be demonstrating self-confidence. The longer you wait, the worse the situation gets. At some point, she will call a time-out and give you the line about wanting to just be friends. Romance has an expiration date, and you don’t want it to go bad on you. Always move forward toward your next romantic goal with her.
7) Not relaxing: Don’t be hyper and visibly uneasy. If you aren’t relaxed, you’ll convey nothing but nervous desperation, and she’ll be repelled. Women aren’t attracted to manic, hyper men. Take some time before the date to relax and let go of your anxiety and expectations. I find that I’m most relaxed meeting women after I’ve worked out. I’m at ease, the endorphins are in my bloodstream, and my overall confidence is higher. Try that for a relaxation therapy. Overall, the more women you meet and date, the more you’ll relax.
8) Acting too needy and clingy: Frequently on dates, men and women are too focused on what the other one is doing and saying. The man tends to hover around the woman too much, showing that his ability to feel good and happy is dependent on her experience of the date. Back off enough to let her breathe. Cast your interest somewhere else during the date, like talking with someone nearby, or just let a comfortable pause enter the conversation. Pauses are especially tolerable if you are smiling and look secure with yourself. If you’re in a shopping environment, don’t be afraid to walk away and have her come to find you.
9) Going too long when things are good: You must end the date. You have to have the self-discipline to end things on a good note. Again, many guys keep her out too long when they’ve found that she’s interested, and turn a good date into boredom. Unless she’s asking you back to her place, you have to pack it in politely. Don’t overstay your welcome.
10) Not having a plan of attack: You should always have an idea of where and how to proceed next. You should make a backup plan for your meeting, that way you have an alternate in case of a problem. If you get a goodnight kiss that turns into a heated make-out session, you have to decide how you want to progress this. Do you have a condom? Do you have a place to go?
Also, keep in mind that your initial meetings with a woman should be just you and her. No roommates tagging along or chaperones. If she cannot meet with you in a public place without supervision, she’s either too young or she may have a trust issue that you can’t overcome. You can accept a tag-along once, if you choose, but that’s all.